Last year, Ellis was on call and I attempted to take the kids by myself. It was memorable only because I barely survived it. I was pregnant with Davey and not too excited about the hot sticky weather and messy, greasy food. Let's just say I really have no memory of that picnic other than the kids getting balloons. I think I pretty much wiped the rest of that picnic out of my memory.
But this year we were all able to go, and yesterday's memories are being recorded here in cyberspace. It's crazy to think that a year from now we will be attending our final picnic here. Time flies and goes really slow at the same time! God has done so much during our time here.
When we arrived at the picnic, I fed Davey in the car while Ellis went ahead. Mac had gotten a snake painted on his face by the time I got there, and the kids were enjoying quality time with daddy. It's brought such joy to my heart to watch Ellis' love for Mac and Corrie grow and grow.
Ellis and a few other residents performed in a skit to commemorate the residency director's 10th year here. It was creative and funny!
Unfortunately, Mac kept trying to run up on the "stage" with Ellis during the skit and laughed in my face and danced around wildly when I told him to come back. It is humiliating to have your child blatantly disobey you like that in front of everyone.
What could I do? Running up on stage and chasing him around didn't seem like a good option, and besides, I had a very cranky Davey in my arms and a very whiney Corrie sitting beside me. I waited for Mac to eventually come back and then took all three kids off to the side so that I could discipline Mac.
As the skit continued, Mac only got more and more wild and disobedient, and Davey cried and cried because of missing his naps. Once the skit was over, everyone was ready to start the annual picnic games. I was thankful for the new activities, but under the surface I felt unrest nagging on me. I couldn't shake the feeling that when it comes to being a mom, I just don't measure up.
I would have liked to talk to God about those feelings, but before I knew it the first competition was already getting under way: the classic water balloon toss! Ellis and I ended up winning, and although I am not sure we deserved it (I think we only tossed our balloon half as much as everyone else), we sure were grateful for the prize (Amazon gift cards).
Afterwards, Mac and the other kids raided the extra stash of water balloons, and soon a big water balloon fight broke out. I think it's safe to say that Mac was in his element.
The next competition was the "mummy wrap." Each team had to try and wrap someone up in toilet paper like a mummy, and Ellis and Corrie had a good time playing together.
Oh, and the balloon man was back again this year. I was pleasantly astounded to see Mac walking up to me with a big Spider-Man balloon hat on!
Of course, Mac could not stand to keep it on his head for very long. He loved waving it around and playing with his Spider-Man balloon like an action figure toy.
Corrie's choice of balloon art was equally endearing to my heart because it showed her unique personality so perfectly. She asked the balloon man for a "red octopus." I think he did a pretty amazing job!
I mentioned earlier that Davey was pretty cranky because of missing his naps, and he ended up going the whole day without a nap for the first time. It was tough seeing him have such a hard time, but I sure did love his tired little head resting on my chest.
Later that night God gave me time to sit with Him. I had my favorite tea on our porch and watched the fireflies flash all over our neighborhood. Those nagging feelings from earlier in the day were still hanging on, and by now they had grown to feeling as though I didn't measure up as a person overall.
This line of thinking is not uncommon for me, but there is something new now that is very uncommon and very wonderful for me. When I sat with God, He reminded me who I really am: I am His. He loves me and He knew me and He chose me to be His before the ages even began. He created me for good works, and because of His faithfulness I will walk in them. And the new part is that I now believe this!
Suddenly I had a refreshed perspective regarding my role as a mom. My kids' behavior and my parenting were never intended to be selfishly used to gauge whether or not I "measure up." It is a great and joyous thing to be freed from ourselves to be a part of God's story. My kids and I are here to bring Him glory. That's awesome.
"share in suffering for the gospel by the power of God, who saved us and called us to a holy calling, not because of our works but because of his own purpose and grace, which he gave us in Christ Jesus before the ages began" - 2 Timothy 1:8-9
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